Resumo de Hipopotam W Pokoju Sto?owym

Adult children of the alcoholics (DDA) may create even 35-40 % of adult population of Poles. The only way to help them is through long psychotherapy. The Center of helping families and addicted people in Lichen is doing that since last year.? The dining room of the alcoholic family is dwelled by a hippo of which existence everybody is denying. Three basic rules apply in the family, 1 Do not speak! 2 Do not feel! 3 Trust no one! By not saying anything you do not bother the hippo - the part and parcel of keeping silence is pretending that everything is ok." - wrote Tommy Hellsten .This pretending is so strong that soon you lose contact over your real emotions. The main charm for the DDA?s is that they suffered physical violence and abusement in their childhood. Sometimes drinking parent was not aggressive but he was emotionally not present at home. You can charm a child not only by doing something bad to him but also by not giving him something good. A child needs a lot of time and attention. You need to be able to listen to him, understand ,talk to and share his fears and happy moments. Unfortunately alcoholics devote the time for children to alcohol . Mother instead of raising children concentrates on her husband who is drinking and not giving her the emotional support. Being raised in such conditions children feel rejected and not loved. This is turn triggers low self esteem and constant feeling of guilt - they blame themselves for the situation at home. DDA have big emotional problems in adult life. Sometimes they duplicate the negative scenario of their parents. Others, become perfectionists ? according to priest Pawe? Rawski MIC, director of CHFAP in Lichen - All the time they trying to prove to everybody around and to themselves what they are worth . By doing that they want to evoke admiration and love which they didn?t have in the past. Nobody even suspects how much, it costs them. DDA have to guess what is regular behaviour; they lie just as easily as they say the truth, they judge themselves very severely- which isn?t normal; it is difficult for them to play or enjoy anything; they suppress their emotions; they treat themselves very seriously; they have difficulties with close relations with other people as they fear of loosing their own ?I?. They are really cautious; all the time they seek for admiration, have low self-esteem; they fear of being rejected; they think that they are different from other people, and by isolating themselves they feel lonely. They are over-responsible or extremely irresponsible; extremely loyal, they are afraid of conflict situations, anger and loosing control. They can have normal families but unsolved problems they put on others. Daughters of alcoholic fathers often marry alcoholics. They are unaware looking for somebody that resembles their father. They either do not know that a husband can be strong, giving support or think that they do not deserve for somebody like that. ? A woman will send to the society a wordless message which translated onto marital announce would sound?: «I AM looking for weak, irresponsible man who would like to be a looser who wants to allow other people to direct his life. I will be his strong mother, who will take responsibility for his life allowing him to live in a lie». In the same newspaper we could find an add « I would like to met and marry a lady in appropriate age, who want to take responsibility for everything/ everybody. I will be her looser. When such people met they fell ?In love? .? Most of alcoholic marriages is a result of such meetings?- Tommy Hellsten DDA were devoided of normal childhood. They had to grow up very quickly and they become parents of their parents- taking up all the responsibilities. In each and every DDA there is a small, crying child that requires taking care of. This ?child? reflects their unsatisfied needs from the past as well as unexpressed emotions. A child doesn?t wany to suffer, it freezes it?s emotions loosing contact with them. Although he doesn?t feel the pain but he doesn?t feel the joys either. During the therapy DDAs learn how to discover, name and express emotions. If the problem could be compared to a broken arm that has not healed correctly than the therapy would be to broke the arm again and heal it correctly. This is accompanied by pain of coming back to unpleasant things from the past about which they would prefer to forget. But this is the only way to release from the pain ?- says priest Pawe? Rawski MIC. The therapy aims at helping those people to discover the quality despite the circumstances. The first part aims at building the trust in the group and during the individual contact. They are educated about functioning of the children of alcoholics and about the disease itself. The second phase is psychological work on recognizing the problems and healing the traumas from the past and present; putting yourself and the surrounding world into clear and logical order according to rules of healthy life- as says Piotr Jucyk, CHFAP Psychotherapist. The therapy is free and lasts for 1.5 year. In our center we offer also a spiritual help. We help whole families - says priest Pawe? Rawski MIC

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