Resumo de The Racking In Love: Romantic Fusion With The Desire Of Independence

Which are the love relations today? This sociological study wonders about the contemporary evolutions of the couple, the family and the reports of sex. The old fusion model enters in contradiction with individualism and autonomy asserted today. A new model appears gradually: « fission in love ».
The author does not try to give a definition of the love: this one can take multiple faces and includes various dimensions (religious, philosophical, moral, etc). The relations in love are influenced by standards and representations, according to the time. The author thus recalls this historical evolution.
At the beginning of the century, the marriage was not necessarily based on the love but it was often a marriage of convenience, for interests, related to the inheritance most of the time. The changes relating to the concept of individual contributed married.
A parallel to make gradually love the model dominating in the reports with the emancipation of the women, the requirement of love was established in the marriage.
Those thirty last years, various changes took place: increase in the cohabitation (90% of the unions are started except marriage in France), more unmarried divorces, parents, single-parent families or recomposed. These changes gave place to new social reports. More and more of people only live deliberately. One should not confuse celibacy and insulation: many single people have a social life denser than couples.
The marriage for the life is not constant a historically and culturally. It is the middle-class ideology which relayed the religious ideal by imposing the marriage gradually. Indeed, with the rebirth, people had a paradoxical design of the love and marriage. Both existed in parallel without being dependent. The exchange with the third was more or less allowed. Adultery persisted until our days. And the idea of the love lived in the marital union is a modern idea.
At the 17th-18th centuries, adultery was regarded as normal; the trio is sometimes recognized publicly, to perhaps reconcile love of reason and love-romance.
L' ideal of faithful marriage will only become dominating very late, during the 20th siècle.
The new practices appear today, and the model dominating (fusion) is in crisis. The fusion love present in the tales of princes and princesses is an ideal, it evokes the protection.
But waiting of the modern couples changed. Our grandparents had limited waiting. Today, it is waited until the other is the revealing one of our hidden identity. The intensity and the quality of the relation take precedence over the duration. The model dominating is to separate if the love is missing. The feelings are developed. The movement of fusion remains present and at the same time, it enters in contradiction with individualism and autonomy. When a fusion couple wants to do only one, each one is likely to lose its own identity. The fusion model is opposed so that ?each one lives his life?, with the equality of the roles.
La current tendency of the new couples is not all to divide. They want to live an open relation with the third. Each one gives itself a mutual freedom, more or less large according to the couple.
At the 19th century, a natural function was allotted to the woman: to love, devote to the household, her husband, the children, etc the destiny of the woman was related on the couple and the reproduction (read the novel of Tolstoy titled the Sonata of Kreutzer). Whereas the function of the father was to provide for the economic needs for the hearth. With the emancipation of the women on the labour market and especially feminist movement, the women redefine their role. The speeches assert an equality of the sexes. However, in reality, one still observes an uneven distribution of the domestic tasks within the couple.
Each one wants to preserve his specific identity. A tension takes place between the routine, the fusion model and the dynamism. Consequently, the idealization of fusion poses roblem. When the constraints seem too strong, the individual breaks the relation, but to rebuild one of the same types of them. The ideal fusion remains in the social representations of the love. The other is the proof of my existence, the revealing one of my identity.
However, in the post-modern family, there are more autonomy, ?one does not control the other, or its characteristic not felt?. Each one has his own projects and only reserve does not know the future. More and more of couples are ?open?. This model is very positive for the women who assert the equality. The principle of opening is allowed in the couple, even if any relation with a third is not accepted. The two models overlap and the old representations are still present at some persons (exclusiveness, possession jealousy?). But currently, the accent is initially make on the respect of the choices and desires of the other, like on personal and marital blooming.

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