The Timewaster Letters
(Robin Cooper)
Dear SirI have a rather exciting idea in which I hope you will be most interested.Firstly, allow me to introduce myself. I am a writer. But my friends call me a ?timewaster? as I have nothing better to do with my ?time? than ?waste? it writing letters to various organisations, companies, societies and publishers about various dubious inventions, or about nothing in particular, and hoping for replies. This brings me great joy, and (I hope) a little sunshine to the days of those recipients to whom I have penned.Now, I should like to tell you about my idea (which, as I have mentioned before, I hope you will be most interested in). My idea is to publish these letters that I have written and which I think are very funny.You may find it very hard to believe that anyone would buy this type of book, but I really do think it will sell and my one friend also thinks the same. It has the potential to make you (and me, of course) a lot of money. I needn?t remind you that there are plenty of books consisting of letters already on the market. But if we publish the replies as well, it might just help to make this book unique. The replies aren?t quite as funny of course but including these will have the added advantage of bulking the book out a bit and give the reader the impression that they are getting something for their money.I am certain you will be unable to resist the chance to publish such a unique and valuable collection. However, if you decide (which I think unlikely) not to go ahead with my very profitable idea, I would like you to know that I will not be including this letter, or your reply, or even my second or third possible consequent letters, or your replies, in my splendid book when it gets published. By someone else.I look forward to your reply with eagerness and a wallet that needs filling (my wife wants a new extension).
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