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Ugliness
(laslami)

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It's a rare case when one is not loved by their parents but it does exist. To not be loved by one's fellow creatures is the customary but most unbearable thing for me. To get married and not be loved by one's wife is a cross that one must bear. To have children and to feel distant from them is a daily torture. My life is summed up that way. And since I was young, however, I have always loved my parents, but in silence, without always understanding their behavior. I was very small and didn't understand it. As I grew older, I did come to understand. It was the same in relation to all people in society. With my wife it's more complicated, surely because of my successful professional life. As far as my children go, there are no words to express what I might want to say. The cause of all this is quite simple-no one likes my face. Is it possible to suffer one's entire life on account of what you have been afflicted with by Heaven above? Don't you believe it! I'm not a monster but I fear that someday I may become one. More than forty years have passed during which I have tried to come up with excuses for my parents, my wife, my children, and everyone else. Sometimes I turn against myself and against God, the One who created both beauty and ugliness, me being ugly. I tried to create happiness for myself, but unfortunately, ugliness only creates unhappiness.


TRANSLATOR'S NOTE: Why does this disadvantage wreak such psychological havoc for me? Because it does the same to ohers who in their dealings with me are forced to look at me, at my ugliness. I disgust them, do I not? IWe would rather avoid this situation, would we not?

I would be happy if I had just average looks. Then I'd blend in with everyone else and be acceptable.



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