Jokes
(all jokes)
Stupid blonde driver
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
A man is almost about to die
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I''ve slept with dozens of them."
His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
161. Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about an hour. Look around nervously for the rest of the day.
Bragging about old times
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you''d just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
One-liner about business
Hawaiian Rules Of J.W.: 1) Never judge a day by the weather. 2) The best things in life aren''t things. 3) Tell the truth; there''s less to remember. 4) Speak softly and wear a loud aloha shirt. 5) Goals are deceptive; the unaimed arrow never misses. 6) He who dies with the most toys, still dies. 7) Age is relative; when you''re over the hill, you pick up speed. 8) There are two ways to be rich: make more or desire less. 9) Beauty is internal; looks mean nothing. 10) No rain, no rainbows.
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