Resumo de Corpse - Amrita Dutta

Corpse?A Corpse on the dunes of life. Tattered to the extent that all emotions are rendered numb. A lifeless entity, ripped apart by everything that crosses her road. Thorough and dead, exhausted and fatigued. Nothing figures in life anymore. Everything and everyone, the repeated call to live upto the expectations, to perform and outperform, to see and breath dungeons and miles of filth. Options are repulsive, life a prayer to end any moment. Road accidents, the numerous ones seem inviting and tortures seem yet another addition to what I am subjected to. An endless abyss, a lifeless entity striding on a path that is alien to me. Happiness loathed and life too lengthy. Everyday monotonous, hackneyed is an often-quoted word repeated endless number of times in my life. My raison?de aitre is lost. Why am I here and for whom? How does it matter if I vamoose tomorrow into some oblivious territory only never to return again? Who would shed tears forever? Less burdened parents would probably experience momentary loss, but the gratification that a rebellious social outcast was never a source of pride for them, a shoulder to cry on probably gone for my brother who has to seek out newer options now?But what about me? Has anyone ever thought what I want? What can I do to revamp my life to completely change the way I feel for it? Will it ever be possible or these are just wishful thoughts that I try to profess to the world through these nameless writings? Probably, a temporary solace to the n number of allegations that life accuse me with? Questions that I am faced with, I have no answers for?I shriek out loud in muffled silence?listen to music and tears cold and dead like me roll down my cheeks?possibly they have lost any trace of future destination.Was I like that always? Why does a December breed element of disgust in me that has a shuddering effect on my entire existence? January reminds me of everything that is crude and gruesome. I try to fight despite knowing that everything is going to escape out of my life even before I have realized. My zest for life is now not even at the lowest possible cadre, it is negative now. Why do I put up this fight every year, when I so thoroughly know the outcome? I have been born jinxed to everything and everyone. Probably the happiness that I was given has been exhausted now; the limited quota of stipulated fun is over. Joy and mirth are now rendered extinct?for how long? I shudder at the prospect of a possible answer?Probably it is forever!!Friends are alien with whom I fail to open up and why? What is the need? In this periodic cycle of crest and trough, I have lost the battle to the trough. I have no regrets; I have never labeled myself as a winner. In fact that is a story that I don?t even seem to remember now. Did I ever tell you that I have a very good memory?Looks of sympathy, bewilderment, compassion and amazement?I experience it all. These are part of my daily quota, dollops of jealousy generously interspersed in between too! No, I don?t scream and yell anymore. I have been dissected and converted into a living zombie. Why, when and how, I have stopped analyzing now. I don?t retrospect anymore. I don?t pray anymore. I have anguish now, latent wrath in me?for anyone and everyone. Why should I blame anyone, it is just that I have been born unlucky, damned unlucky always. I have no energy to scream, why should I??I look at Him and he avoids me. He knows I have questions for which he probably has never thought of any answers. I devise ways to get out of this rut?And then I give up. What after this rut? Probably, another one which is less dense and mendacious. But then a rut is always a rut. Whom do I turn to now? God, he has ignored me since ages. Parents? When would they understand me? Every time I call them up, expecting and hoping that today they will listen to me and understand me and I get further dejected. Did I tell you that I have stopped talking to them? Or atleast, the conversations are now a meaningless exchange of one-liners which has certain obvious answers!! Friends?? Hahahaha?for them I am craziness personified. And others? You mean acquaintances? They think I am everything that a girl my age would want to be.Any answers?Are you even bothering for plausible answers! Don?t!!

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