Resumo de Fearless Loving - Rhonda Britten

Rhonda Britten tackles relationship problems by picking up fear as the root of relationship failures. Fear makes us a slave of our expectations. Pre-conceived expectations makes loved ones fail. Your pereception of love is carried into your next relationship. It is like procrastinating that it will fail like your previous relationship. You set up a standard to gauge the relationship not thinking that it will be hard to live up to it. We tend to shift the bigger responsibility to the partner and less on ourselves. Claiming responsibility for the break-up and setting up boundaries will give you positive vibes of what went wrong. We have to learn how to communicate to ease off conflict. We have to assume that people are innocent to our pre-conceived ideas of how people would react to us. We have to assume that they know nothing of our past angst or sore points.That way we would lower our expectations and be more accepting of other's faults or limitations and why they reacted differently from what we expected them to be. Fear reinforces our expectations and it we have no pre-conceptions then we will not be disappointed. Our minds tend to be programmed to repeated reactions from previous relationships. we have to treat each situation as a new experience and use intention rather than expectation. Intentions are yet to come while expecttions are pre-conceived. You have to practice what you intend to do releasing the expectation. Give each person and yourself their true worth. Hurtful language will only worsen the situation. Kindness brings out the best in a situation. Remember that when a person is hurt, the natural reaction is to strike back. Be clear and express yourself in a positive way and listen to the other's explanation. Being a good listener builds trust. Let the other one know you are on their side and they will be more open to you. Whe we are fearful of losing in love it reinforces a feeling of helplessness and despair. Fear more than anything else makes it worse. We may hang on for dear life unto the relationship or walk away from it because we did not feel fulffilled. Taking away the feeling helps you stay grounded and secure. To be secure means you can accept the outcome be it bad or good and learn from it. Learn from it in the sense that you don't repeat the same mistakes all over again and leave the distrust and fear in your heart. You won't be succesful in your next relationship if you do the same thing. One should not let feelings run a relationship. You will not be able to walk away even if it was not worthwhile because of the fear of being on your own. Feelings should be balanced with commitment and love. When you take away the fear it sets you free. You can see and feel then that you were just reacting in the best way you know how but it was the bad way to deal with it. Knowing your feelings like betrayal, rejection or resentment helps you understand more your relationship. Being more confused makes it worse so identify the root of the problem and focus on achieving a more amicable resolution. Being angry and reacting negatively will not make it right. Being friendly and understanding will give you a more positive result. The other person will see you in a better frame of mind.

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