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Pain Through A Window
(Kelly Donovan)

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I have a hard time expressing my feelings, especially the hurtful painful feelings. I feel embarrassed talking to people who are close to me and just don't like to talk about bad things. I keep all my feelings burried and then eventually explode. I got so mixed up from burrying my feelings that I landed into therapy. I couldn't express my feelings to people close to me so how could I talk about my problems with a total stranger? My therapist didn't push me to talk and instead showed me a way to get my feelings out without having to talk to anyone. He told me the important thing is to get the feelings out and it doesn't matter how they get out as long as they get out. His suggestion was a journal and it was the best idea for me. I felt stupid writing to no one or to myself so my writing came out through poetry. Here is a poem about cheating.
Pain Through A Window
Pain, betrayal, unfaithful, and mistrust, all because of his feelings of lust.
He found a girl in the window, way over there.
What about me? Why doesn't he care?
So much pain, suffering, so much disbelief.
Embarrassment, humiliation, how could he do this to me?
I thought he loved me and our love was so strong?
How could he rip my heart apart? And do me so wrong?
Anger, frustration, revenge, but I can't act at all.
Not a soul to help, all I have is this window and wall.
So I sit in the corner, my heart aches so bad.
So much confusion thinking I was the only one.
I really fail to see this as just harmless fun.
Why didn't he see consequences? Foresee the pain he'd cause me?
Or did he think my denial would blind me too much to see?
If it was ou of boredom, a friendship that wouldn't last
Why was she a hidden secret leaving me bad feelings that won't pass?
The shock is over, the feelings hurt so much less.
I now know that looking out the window doesn't always bring stress.
It's you I no longer look for but I look for the clouds in the sky.
I no longer drive myself crazy wondering why
or what I did to deserve this, I know nothing at all.
It's you who lost this time, I know I deserve more.
This time I won't follow you out through the door.
If we were meant to be together, we will cross paths again.
But I refuse to allow myself wondering about If or When.
So go on now, I wish you good luck.
Sorry I can no longer be your sitting duck.
You chose a path I will never forgive nor forget,
but if faith will have us, our future's a YET.



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