The Day Of Disillusion
(ANA KLEIN)
I always obey, I always stay quiet in front what I saw, I always oppressed myself. Is that my fault? Would she stay with my father for me? Maybe, yes. Cause she will listen to an emigration talk that won't be concretized due my fault. My only duty was to bother, to think about when I was eight years old. But mother is mother, and we must be loyal and sometimes even protect them. I protected her at the first suicide attempt. Yes, I who did the alert,... I wouldn't lose her, and after? I would be left for that monster? That one, even being my father, pretended to see her suicide, because if she wasn't for him, she wouldn't be for anyone else. But I couldn't understand, I only felt life in a vortex of duties, the major was to avoid losing my mother, cumplicities, the fact that my mother found in other men the care she hadn't found in home and be the exemplary daughter: the one who never disobey, friendly, confident, savior, the best student... they had every reason to be proud of me, but not, their selfish was strong and I was getting past by them. While I heard the discussions, the plates were broken, my toys were thrown against the wall, I'd stay hopeful everything should end well, that one day we'll become very happy. I lied, I omitted, I invented, due what? To be without her forever? At the second suicide attempt the doctors advised: "do not repeat what you have done because we cannot make anymore stomach's wash, this will be the last", with an air of who says that for a woman who did it just to call attention. I'd know it wasn't that way, and I'd stay alert at my first years. During the night I woke hearing she crying, releasing, and crying she told she loved me more than anything in the world and everything she would do is for my happiness. In fact, I'd lose her forever. As she said "for my happiness..." (continue)
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