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Stupid Cupid

How heavy this heart is of mine on this day that it should be so full of happiness. Where is it, where did this happiness go when I was so happy? Where is it now? I wonder sometimes if I am even meant to have love for all I end up doing is get hurt in the long. I try running away I try hiding from the pain, but a broken heart is hard to heal when it has been broken so many times in the past.I have been told there are three different kinds of love everyone goes through in life until I find the last one. Is that what I do now? Is it to that point just being happy is all I want to find, when I can’t even find that? Am I meant to always be alone in this world, being strong in front of everyone while in the deep dark night my heart and mind cry out for a friend to hold me and comfort me when I’m in pain? At an age when most are called an old maid, a brides maid never a bride once in my life time, I guess I was never meant to do that in my lifetime. I guess in truth I was never to make that walk or have heart to give in love, for all that I love just turn around and make me fool in the end. I am a fool the biggest fool of all times to think love is true, when all it does is break the heart and body down to make them both weak in the long run. People say that love will make you stronger and make you happy. Well I would like to see that? For I will never see that kind of love. I just want a true friend that I can talk to when my troubles are big and would listen to them and not judge me, but help instead. A lover that will hold me when I am scared in the night or from something that happens in the day. A love pure from ones heart to be able to give back to that one with the same love. I’m sure Cupid is laughing at me, I’m sure he has been laughing at me for years now. I think one time Cupid did let me love just once with the pure of my soul to only have it broken and trashed to nothing. I bet he got a big kick out that one. What a laugh this is, never will I get flowers never will I have someone take me out for a special day. Never will I know that love of true happiness with someone. I guess in the long run I am meant to be alone in this world always the one that don’t have love to call my own. How sad is that? Sound sad right? Well it is, but don’t feel sorry for me. I’m use to being alone for I’ll never find my happiness in this world maybe only one day when my time ends and I meet my maker. Remember the three kinds of love….A love that you have a crush onA love that is your soul mateA person to make you happy When will I have that kind of happiness? When will I be able to really love? Not in my lifetime I see that now. And I still miss the one that made me happy once upon a time for it had to be a dream.~Litha slowly closed her notebook sighing softly, to look out the window watching the snow fall knowing tomorrow would be lovers day again and yet here she sits alone in her room. "No one sends me flowers anyways." standing up putting the notebook away on shelf. Walking to the door to look at the calender, "I hate that day. The 14th." stepping out in to the cold night air not looking back but trying to struggle to move forward once more in this world, when all she wanted to be was happy just once.

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