Rumplestiltskin
(unknown)
Rump(lestiltskin) enters. Guy: Well if it isn?t our old friend Rip Van Winkle! How?s it goin?, buddy?! Rump: Shut up, Jackass. They go in and Rump takes off his shoes etc. with the help of Guy. Guy: So- how was jail? Did they treat you differently on account of you being a midget? Rump: Leave me alone. Guy: Did you feel discriminated against? Rump: Shut up. Guy: Did they molest you? Someone else enters. Someone else: (pointing) Hey-! It?s that crazy-ass leprechaun! Rump: God damn it! Guy: This is not a leprechaun. This is Rip Van Winkle. Someone else: No, no? he? Guy: Yeeess. Someone else: No, Rip Van Wrinkle is the Guy who slept for a long time and grew a beard? Guy: Oh, yeah! Where?s your beard? Rump: I swear to god? Someone else: So he?s a leprechaun?? Person enters Person: Hey-! It?s Rip Van Winkle! Guy and Someone else: Nonono no? That?s the guy that slept forever?beard? Person: Oh yeah. Hey-! Didn?t Rip Van Wrinkle drink dwarf-beer before he fell asleep? Maybe he?s one of them. Guy: Maybe. Rump: I am not a dwarf! Someone else: Oh. No- wait! He?s what?s-his-name? remember-?! Person: Oh, right. Spinning hair into gold? Rump: Straw. Person: How was jail? Guy: Did they molest you? Someone else: Hair? Rump: Straw! Someone else: Oh, I remember now! His name is- shit! What is it? It?s right on the tip of my brain? Person: You don?t have a brain. Someone else: R. It starts with a rrrrrr?.. Rump: I hate you. Someone else: RRrrrrr?.. uh, shit. Oh! Rip Van Winkle!! Guy: No! Someone else: Crap. Wait! Rrrrrrrr Rump: This is Stupid. Guy: R. R. Person: Rrrrr rip- wait, no. Rump: I know the answer. Guy: NO! Person: You can?t tell us. Someone else: I almost got it! Guy: We?re supposed to guess! Someone else: rrrrrrrr??. Person: Or you?ll turn our hair into straw. Rump: Gold! Person: What? Rump: I?ll turn your hair into gold. Someone else: R. R. Rip Van shit! Guy: You?ll turn our hair into gold? Rump: No- uh! Someone else: Damn it! Rump: I?ll turn your Straw into gold. Guy: I don?t have any straw. Person: Is that supposed to be a punishment? Guy: I don?t get it. Person: I don?t get it. Guy: So, if we can?t guess our name? Person: His name? Guy: If we can?t guess his name? Person: Then he starts spinning straw into gold? Guy: That?s just stupid. Person: It doesn?t make a damn bit of sense. Someone else: Rumplestiltskin! High five! Guy: Dude! Person: That?s totally it! Someone else: YES!! I told you. (points at Rumplestiltskin) Rumplestiltskin! Heh! I?m awesome! Person: So, now that he guessed it? Guy: You?re?NOT going to Spin our straw into gold? Rump: GAH! The deal is I teach you how to spin straw into gold and give you three chances to guess my name. If you fail I get you?re first-born child. Person: That?s just as stupid. Someone else: Seriously. Person: Why wouldn?t you just spin up a bunch of gold and never mind about the name/first-born child thing? Rump: Because I? Guy: He can?t really spin straw into gold! It?s a scam. No one can ever remember his stupid name and they freak out about the kid thing and give him stuff to make him go away. Rump: I can TOO spin straw into gold! Person: Let?s see you do it, then. Rump: Well? I can?t just?! ...there?s magik rules? Guy: Right. This guy?s a hardcore blackmail artist. Someone else: You should see all the crazy stuff he has. Person: Is that why you we?re in jail? Blackmail? Rump: No, I- Guy: No, he got all drunk and tried to spin some guy?s hair into gold. Rump: It looked like straw. It was very coarse. Person: What happened? Guy: He got punched. Person: Who? Someone else: Rip Van Winkle. Person: So how?s it that you?re the one who ended up in jail? Guy: When the cops showed up- Someone else: Someone called the cops. Guy: and when the cops showed up- Someone else: our buddy here was chasing this guy- Guy: down the sidewalk with chunks of that thing?what did you call it? Rump: It was my loom. Person: That wheel-thing or whatever? Someone else: Yeah. Guy: The thing he used to spin the gold. Someone else: They got into a fight and ended up breaking it. Rump: It was sort of rare. Someone else: Oooh, was he pissed. Rump: Piss drunk- I only spent one night in jail. Person: What, last night? Everyone else: No nonono?.no. Guy: This was a couple of weeks ago. Someone else: What have you been doing since then? Guy: Hunting for looms? Person: Did you fall asleep? Did you pull a ?Rip Van Winkle??! Someone else: Awesome. Rump: Get out of my face. He storms off or slams a door or something of that nature. The end.
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